this is no home
this a hole
filled with echos from a crash
there's no sound here
except the soft breathing
of a mother counting what's left
the reverberations
are driving me
insane

I especially like where you state
"a hole
filled with echos from a crash
there's no sound here"

i'ts such a huge, hanging statement, but suspended so brilliantly
hints that something big happened with the word "crash" and
hints at sustained shock, with the writer staring at the seemingly gaping hole left in front of her
and yet, no sound here, again, suggested shock in the aftermath

then you talk about reverberations, which nicely reflects back to the beginning part where you'd talked about echos....in a hole

and provide the reader with a means to sense the same

This poem's a pleasure to read, Rachel. Keep writing, you no doubt can say things in a way that provides rewards for the reader on every line.


- Carolyn

Thanks so much That made my day.

"filled with echoes from a crash"

got my attention also....

Very nice Rach.

thank you

this is no home
this a hole
filled with echos from a crash
there's no sound here
except the soft breathing
of a mother counting what's left
the reverberations
are driving me
insane


i am a huge fan of good super short poems.

and you can take this however you want since the poem it meritable on it's own, but, if it were mine i would compact the ending somewhat.

something about ending it with "are driving me insane" seems too easy. how can you end it giving that impression without actually saying it?

I like this too Rachel, it's poignant with strong images as well as commendably economical and restrained. Certainly much better than the emo epics I was writing at your age!

looks like maybe your writer's block is over rachel.

i know nothing "technical" about poetry, only if i like it or not. i like it. very powerful words.

Aww thank you guys!!

Thank you. I like that you said that. I'm gonna think about that. If I come up with something, I'll post it. I like reading things that give the idea of something without being so obvious.. Hmm. I'll brainstorm.