this is not very original, in fact i can't help but feeling i may have lifted it from somewhere....
it just came off my pen all of a sudden the other day.
i definitely want to add more, if it's worth keeping.
any feedback would be great.


there's nothin' much left here,
just bottled up old fears
i wish i could clear away.
but somethings holding me,
loving me, scolding me,
driving me further insane.



like i said, it's just a small start, if that. thank you for reading and speaking your mind!

if you ever expand this, post it! good stuff

you lifted that last line from my brain!
post the progress
d.

lol! i wouldn't be surprised, if i did!

ok, goin along the same lines (and i'm totally stuck in the rhyme scheme)


poised in the twilight
of cold moon and dark night
shadows are fuzzy and grey
and the flashlight i'm shining
doesn't help in defining them
hiding them open as day

funny thing is i'm cliche-ing hard core, and know it, but it's truly how i feel. i am ok with being criticized, and remember this is for posterity's sake, so be honest, please!

"hiding them open as day" - what does that mean? I'm confused by the line, maybe you could be clearer...hmm.



great to see you posting!

i see this image as a "forest for the trees" type of perspective.
i like this.

i am not a writer but i know that when i feel i am writing cliches i keep substituting the cliches with synonyms or i keep writing what i am feeling in as many ways as possible. usually there is a fresh way of saying what im feeling that is even closer to my feelings than the version that i "knew was the one".

thanks!

first i'd ask, what does the line cause you to think of or feel?


i think, for me, it's a feeling of not being able to clarify something - possibly why i chose the confusing word choice?
the day is considered open or unhidden because of it's light, the night is hidden. yet when i try to shine light on this something, it disappears. a shadow moves or disappears entirely when bathed in light. what should be uncovered is now "overtly hidden".

still not making sense? probably because i do not fully understand it either. sorry, i guess i'll have to work on it.

btw, d., i liked your interpretation of it! and thanks for the advice, both of you.