When I Go
words and music: Karin Bergquist
recording: Films For Radio

it makes a difference
when you walk through a room
with that worrisome smile
road weary perfume

but this isn't the place
and it isn't the time
for this beautiful delusion
that is robbing me blind

i want to know
i want to know
will it make a difference
when i go

it makes a difference
that i'm feeling this way
with plenty to think about
and so little to say

except for this confession
that is poised on my lips
i'm not letting go of God
I'm just losing my grip

i want to know
i want to know
will it keep you guessing
when i go

what is a love
if the love's not my own
this is not my home
this is lonely
but never alone

i just want to hold you
in my gaze for awhile
so i can remember
every line around your smile

then i want to know
i want to know
will it make a difference
when I go

Such a beautiful song. I have tried to make an interpretation of the lyrics, but it always changing. I sense a saddness in the author's plea:

"....what is a love
if the love's not my own
this is not my home
this is lonely
but never alone..."

perhaps insecurity and ambivilence about a life decision.
And a questioning of Faith, perhaps:

"...except for this confession
that is poised on my lips
i'm not letting go of God
I'm just losing my grip..."

So sad but intensley beautiful.
I LOVE sad songs
Any other thoughts on this song, currently on the OHIO Tour setlist?
T xo

My interpretation is that it's about being a singer, a performer, touring, etc... Karin's singing to us, her audience. (The beginning verse using the "you" that means "one" -- meaning "I" in this case.) That may be an obvious interpretation you're taking for granted, but you didn't mention it so I thought I would.
I'd think life on the road would be "lonely but never alone," although it's obviously not a feeling that you have to've been on the road to experience.
The life of an artist, the life of a Christian, the life of a human... probably in that order (or the reverse order?)... that's what I think this song's about.

they did this last night in nashville -- beautiful!

zayne

trudes, linford said it well...

What I'll Remember Most [words and music: Detweiler]
The saddest songs are the happiest
The hardest truths are the easiest
Put us both to the test
And tell me if you still need me
And I will swallow these words
And see if I can still believe
___________________________________________________________________

"when i go" has been on the setlist of every show that i have been to, usually near the end. wait 'til you hear it, this is one that paul/"smokie", really steps up on. his solo starts out very literal and respective of mike's on "FFR", then he goes into a very heavy, emotional, extended solo that usually gets one hellua response from the crowd. it's gotten so much stronger since the earlier shows...if you love this song you are in for a nice treat.

I'm so excited, I'm grinning ear to ear like the world's biggest groupie. And make that the world's oldest groupie, too. I'm sixteen inside my head.
T xo

Uh...make that eleven. T xo

I love this song. It might be about the relationship between artist and fan, but I'm more inclined to think it's a relationship song, as in, lovers. I think most people who've been in a long-term relationship can identify with this song. Despite what the fairy tales tell us, life is not all chocolate and roses for the duration of the relationship. Sometimes, you just get sick of each other and sometimes you feel like being alone would be the best thing for you. These thoughts are normal, I think, everybody wants to run at one point or another.

This is lonely, but never alone is one of the most powerful lines I've ever seen and sums up a lot of my life. That's the lonliest feeling ever, feeling alone in a crowd or with someone else. Much worse than being lonely at home, alone.

This gets me every single time I listen:

i'm not letting go of God
I'm just losing my grip

Only a woman with a broken heart could write that. It's one of my favorites and I listen to it and cry and marvel that such pain could come from someone who appears to be so happy and content with life.

(Shows how much I know.)

I love that Karin wrote that song. There's a little hint of the "woman scorned" woven throughout that song.

Trudes, I love sad songs as well. This past year has made me appreciate them even more. The sadder, the better. Of course, it helps when the person singing has such an emotional voice. She conveys that sadness so well it's like she's singing for me.

Or something like that.

Arnheim,
I don't know what your preferred method of listening to slow, sad songs is, but if you haven't already done so, get a pair of good headphones (the kind that seal around your ear so all you can hear is the music) and listen at night, in the dark.
It really is like she is singing to you.
Trudes xo

I listen to them on the way home from work. I turn up the radio and listen to them as loudly as I can. My commute home is the only time I have alone.

I listen at work but mostly the faster songs. The slow songs are best savored when I'm alone.

Of course, by the time I get to leave work it already is dark. Does that count?

My impressions of the song are a little different. I think there is a very spiritual aspect to it. To me it conveys a great deal of longing combined with the understanding/reality of this temporary world. While having the recognition of the temporary, there is still the feeling of it not being short enough.

'when i go' dares me to not feel something. i heard it first not long after a friend was killed in a car wreck. everytime i hear it i cannot help but think of abbie.

zayne

I think its about loving someone and knowing that you will eventually have to leave. and hanging on to faith (or trying to) when you know so little.

For me it is about realising God is somwhere around...you can be lonely, but you aren't alone, although you have lost your grip...

I think this is about that lonely empty feeling that comes from living too much for yourself, and the cold complacency that lurks just before deep depression. I see the speaker speaking inward to herself, just before taking the plunge to recast the active role she's playing in her life, and the subsequent shift in focus that she needs in order to feel whole again.

I've added my own (few) words for emphasis in bold to illustrate how the song says this to me. Apologies if anyone is offended by them...


It makes a difference
when you walk through a room

but it also
makes a difference
that i'm feeling this way

this beautiful delusion...
is robbing me blind

I'm left with plenty to think about
and so little to say

afterall
what is a love
if the love's not my own

this love is lonely
Even though I'm never alone

It feels like I'm letting go of God
but I'm only losing my grip

so
i just want to hold you
in my gaze for awhile
so i can remember
every line around your smile

And then I want to know,
will it make a difference
when i go?


I don't so much see the speaker asking will it make a difference to the lover, when she's gone, as I see it being a universal question. Yes, she wonders if it will make a difference to the lover, but on a deeper level, will this one thing make a big difference in the speaker's life, or will she have to make other changes in order to repair what's been broken? What else must be sacrificed in order to become whole again?

I guess what I'm sayin is it's more than a sad song, it's a melancholy song about the pain of being human and making bad choices and having the courage to try to undo them. I used the pronoun she in this, but I could have just as easily used the male gendered, he. I'm not quite sure if it's written from a male or a female perspective. Maybe it doesn't matter. The song is really just about as close as one can get to raw emotion and still use words as the descriptors. Mostly when I listen to this song, I just see colors and feel a heavy sadness. It's really hard to put some things into words. I'm in awe of what Karin has done here with these.

I think of When I Go as a blues song, in the best tradition of Bessie Smith and Big Mama Thornton. A woman who has been fooling herself about her relationship comes to realize the man she loves so deeply doesn't care about her the same way, and has decided to move on. She's already missing him and wondering if her departure will make a real difference in his life.

The message is pretty simple IMO, but the way she conveys it with her lyrics and delivery is devastating.